Normally I talk style and fashion here on Taylors and Tiaras, but today I’m switching gears. Why? Because I never would have gotten to the place where I could blog about fashion and devote my social platforms to my own style journey without the things I’m presenting to you today. Over and over I receive comments and messages that center around confidence.
People are curious about how I, as a plus size woman, am confident in the things I wear. They want to know how I became okay with showing my arms in pictures. They want to know how I am okay with putting myself out there in the way I do. And I often hear “I wish I had your confidence.” If there is one thing I could ever hope to accomplish with this blog or those social channels, it’s helping someone else get to the point where the question isn’t “Should I show my arms?” but rather, “Why wouldn’t I show my arms?”
So how did I end up at the point that I would dare show my very plus size arms to the world and not completely freak out? How can you do the same when it comes to your insecurities? Let’s unpack it.
THE DECISION. It really all starts with making a decision. Loving yourself where you are, right this minute – not 50 pounds from now, not a million dollars from now, not a bigger house from now, not a nicer car from now – is not something that will appear out of thin air. It is a conscious act. It is an act you have to practice each day. And on the days when you try but you fall short, you have to try again. And it all starts with a decision to stop talking to yourself in a way that you would never talk to someone you love. I Regina George’d myself to a point that was unhealthy. Decide today that you’re DONE being mean to YOU and it will change your entire life.
THE REALITY. I had convinced myself that when I walked in a room, people were probably staring and probably saying ugly things about me. I had spent years not focusing on good things in my life because I couldn’t stop thinking about the things I thought were wrong with me. And the absolute worst of all – I spent many years of my marriage thinking people looked at my husband and wondered why on earth he would be with someone who looked like me. That sentence is hard to write. But it’s true. And the reality is, most people aren’t paying that much attention to you. No one is obsessing over you as much as you’re obsessing over yourself. And the other reality is that my husband chose me. He loves me. If the fact that he loves me unconditionally isn’t enough, what else ever would be? I had to stop fixating on false realities and stop creating problems that didn’t exist as a way to keep myself on the defense. Can you relate?
THE PAYOFF. The crazy thing about all of this is that when I stopped hiding, I was flooded with more love and reassurance than I ever could have imagined. A full body outfit shot on Instagram was not met with people fat shaming me and making jokes at my expense. Requests for style advice started rolling in. New friendships were created. I started this blog. The more I give of me, just the way I am right now, the more I seem to receive in return. No one is asking me to change myself in exchange for nice comments. When I treat myself well, the universe seems to follow suit. You know the saying, “Change your thoughts, change your life?” There is so much power in that, you can’t even imagine.
This is, of course, a very short version of what it has taken to get to this point. There’s a lot more to the story. Going from 34 to 35 brought some of the most challenging moments of my life, including the loss of an unborn child while finishing my Master’s degree. I think that was really when I knew I had to stop being so mean to myself. I was exhausted, I was sad, and I was broken. And during that time, I remember realizing I was so lucky to have everything and everyone already in my life. The loss hurt so badly, but it also made me aware of just how much other people loved me. The only person not loving me was me. I knew I couldn’t spend another 35 years that way. Life goes by so quickly, and we all deserve to look back on it remembering how much we loved others and how much we loved ourselves.
Everyone in the world could be bending over to kiss your behind and y’all, it would not make you happy if you were still treating yourself like garbage. Stop doing that. NOW. Is it easy? No. Is it a hard habit to break? Yes. But it’s worth it. You are fabulous. You are worthy. You can conquer anything. You just have to believe it, because I promise, everyone else around you already does. Here’s a quote from a lady I love, Jen Sincero:
“Get mighty clear about what makes you happy and what makes you feel most alive, and then create it instead of pretending you can’t have it. Or that you don’t deserve it. Or that you’re a greedy egomaniacal fathead for wanting more than you already have. It’s about having the cojones to show up as the brightest, happiest, badassiest version of yourself. You need to go from wanting to change your life to deciding to change your life.”
Isn’t that powerful? You can do anything. All you have to do is decide. I’ll be here cheering you on.
TAYLORS & TIARAS ANNOUNCEMENTS
If you’re not already following me on Instagram, be sure to head over there and enter the giveaway I’m hosting with 9 other fabulous bloggers! Find this picture and follow the steps to enter! The winner will be announced on August 26th.
More Insta fun is coming next month when my dear friend Amanda and I partner up for our very first style challenge! We’re hosting She’s Got Style and September is our kickoff month. We couldn’t be more excited and we hope you’ll participate for a chance to win fun prizes and get creative with your style game! Keep an eye out here and on Instagram for details. While you’re at it, go check out Amanda here.