Hello to a new year, friends!
Let’s get all the cliches out of the way – last year flew by, I can’t believe it’s already 2019, I’m ready to crush a new year, etc. etc. etc. You know the drill, right? Me too. And I have to tell you something in this judgment free bubble we’ve got going here – I’m not that into the whole “new year, new me” vibe. I do enjoy fresh starts and I think it’s cool to cast a vision and dream big, but I really dislike the mindset that you need to turn over a new leaf every January, reinvent yourself and your life, and try to morph into a totally better person every single year. Know why? Because for the first time in a long time, I’m actually a pretty big fan of who I was on December 31.
Before I sound completely arrogant and snarky, let me explain….
I spent years – YEARS – of my life trying to change myself into what I thought was a better version of me. And, in typical fashion, I got sucked into launching Jenny 2.0 every January. Do you know who Jenny 2.0 is? She’s just Jenny who loses weight. That’s it. Which is really just Jenny who obsesses over counting calories or carbs or tracking everything she eats. Jenny who feels like the only valuable workouts are the ones where she punishes herself and isn’t satisfied until she’s sweating buckets and can barely walk. Jenny who wants to do everything right and adhere to self-imposed restrictions perfectly with zero mistakes. Jenny who thinks losing weight and being skinnier will make her prettier and happier and unlock some sort of secret solution to every bad thought she’s ever had about herself. Jenny 2.0 is the product of decades of self-loathing and finally, I am so happy to say she is no longer anyone I want to be.
When you look at it from that perspective, it’s easier to understand why I no longer set resolutions or obsess over becoming “the new me” each time the calendar year changes. It’s truly difficult to master, and I’m still not awesome at it, but giving myself grace on a daily basis is what I strive for. Knowing if something happened today that didn’t align with how I want to live my life or who I want to be, tomorrow is a new day and I can change it. It’s okay to be a work in progress on a regular basis. It’s really fine to not consider yourself a work in progress at all and be madly in love with where you are right now. In fact, that’s what I try to do most of the time. The people that matter most in this world already love me for who and what I am – and what I’m not. Getting to a place where that’s enough was really hard, but now that I’m there, the freedom I feel is unlike anything else. I feel empowered to work on the things I want to, explore new possibilities as I see fit, and do it all on whatever timeline works for me. I don’t see it as a weakness or flaw, I see it as the biggest gift I could ever give myself after years of punishing myself for not feeling good enough.
So, what do I do to cast a vision for a new year? Well, that’s still evolving. I have a planner and I’m going to try to be better about using it. I absolutely vow to wear red lipstick more often. I want to pay someone a compliment every single day and smile at people for no good reason. I’m pregnant so going on a big diet isn’t my jam, but I do feel the need to get back on a regular schedule of eating and making sure I’m doing what I can to mitigate my risk of complications in this pregnancy. I’m NOT giving up sugar, but I am planning to take my lunch to work most days. I’m working on new content ideas for the blog and Instagram. I’ll put pencil to paper soon and write some things down, because that always helps me collect my thoughts. And speaking of that, I want to get back to journaling because it’s a completely free, natural way to cleanse my mind and heart and keep anxiety at bay.
MY WORD FOR 2019
I don’t think I’ve ever chosen a word before, but this year I decided it would be fun to give it a shot. Not so much to accomplish specific goals, but to have a framework for where I want my heart and mind to operate from on the daily. I chose the word PURPOSE. I really spent some time thinking about that word and how I want it to apply to my life. Here’s what I came up with:
- I want to live my life and do it on purpose
- I want to be myself, on purpose
- I want to say no to things that don’t serve any purpose in my life
- I want to support and help others in search of their own purpose
There’s no doubt I faced some struggles in 2018. Some of them have carried over into 2019 but the start of a new year gives me hope for new possibilities. Knowing there’s no pressure to do or be anything different is actually what gives me the motivation to see what I can accomplish. I hope whether you are committed to crushing specific goals, choosing a word, or just hanging out and enjoying the ride, you give yourself grace and permission to make mistakes. After all, perfection is just an illusion, isn’t it? I’d love to know your thoughts on going into 2019 and what you’re planning. I’m wishing you all the best for the coming year!